It’s easy to think a person’s behaviour is a reflection on our own. That our significant other is not showing us enough love or letting us down over and over again, being dishonest, cheating or abandoning us because of how WE are. ⠀
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We turn inwards and feel inadequate. We start to analyse ourselves and begin a narrative of:⠀
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“Why aren’t I enough?” ⠀
“Why do they dislike me?”⠀
“Am I not attractive?”⠀
“Am I not desirable?”⠀
“What did I do wrong?”⠀
“They must hate me.”⠀
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These are often the thought patterns of nervous attachment.⠀
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Quite simply. It isn’t personal. ⠀
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It’s hard to believe but nearly all “bad” behaviour isn’t usually anything to do with you. ⠀
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It’s a reflection of that person’s inner turmoil. They are suffering in some way and cannot express it. ⠀
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They may be anxious, nervous, depressed, upset amongst many other emotions and lack the skills and safety to express them in healthier ways. ⠀
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It doesn’t mean you should just accept bad treatment but when you realise it isn’t personal you can make a more well-adjusted decision. ⠀
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Should you stay and find out what is really eating at your partner or should you go because you no longer have the energy? There’s no right answer but just by knowing it isn’t personal, you can feel a sense of relief. You can stop questioning your integrity and you can start to see the bigger picture. ⠀
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When we stop taking it personally there is an opportunity to intervene with the real issues.
